House, Career, Family?
by SaveTheWorldGetTheGirl
Summary: So basically a Janny fic. They both have secrets putting strains on their relationship. When all the secrets are out, can they get through it?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! please read and review, thanks :) **

Jonny sat at the nurses station laughing about something or nothing with Mo, as per. Her laugh was genuine and Jonny's was just as convincing, however Mo knew there was something bothering him. Being friends with him for as long as she had been, she knew there was something up with him today under his cool and cheeky exterior. There was no time to act on this thought as the devil herself walked on to the ward, and if looks could kill…

"You see that patient over there? That's who you're supposed to be treating, so I suggest you go and do your job." The registrar jumped off her seat and as Jac looked down at some paperwork she mocked a salute which, as it came down from her head turned into the finger. Jonny smirked, unfortunately for him this was noticed by Jac.

"Go be a good nurse and help sort out that guy's catheter." She pointed to an elderly man who was struggling against two female nurses.

"Okay… also, we need to talk about last night."

"No, I don't think we do. I think you need to get on with the job you are paid to do for once and leave me alone!" She became conscious of nurses on the other side of the ward looking at her now, but she brushed it of by clapping her hands and telling them to get on with their work.

"Look," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "My feelings are not hurt that you didn't show up last night, I got quite a lot of work done while I was at home so I don't have to do it today, so thanks for that."

"Wait!" he said as she turned to walk away.

"I've already told you where I want you, Mr Preston, catheter, now." And with that she was gone. He looked over to the room where she wanted him and stood for a few seconds thinking of how he was going to get on her good side; Jonny needed to find a way to tell Jac why he hadn't arrived at her flat last night, but all the excuses that came to mind were lame, then again he couldn't tell her the truth, at least not yet anyway. He hadn't even told her that he loved her yet. Although he knew he did, he just didn't want to rush into things with her. But then again, maybe that's exactly what he should do. She should know how he feels about her, even if she didn't feel the same yet. He doubted this though because there was no one in his mind that could resist his charming ways.

He suddenly came out of his thoughts as the old man was now wrestling the two nurses.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for reading everyone :) hope you enjoy this update, please review I like to read your comments :) **

_4 years ago_

_"He's coming with me."_

_His eyes lowered to the ground, unable to look into hers. Previously he could spend hours staring deeply into those eyes. He could tell you exactly what they looked like from the iris to every little white fleck in the swirling blue. In that moment he could no longer see her face beneath the mask of deceit she was fashioning. She was leaving him and taking their child after months of an affair with someone he thought was his friend. He felt the sadness consume him and his eyes filled with tears. In these last three years she had opened him up to a range of new feelings after being void of emotion for the whole of his life. He felt weak now showing them to her as she stood in front of him with one year old Zachary in her arms. His child, the one person he would still do anything for. He was going to lose him._

After Mr Preston had been seen to, Jonny was bombarded by more tasks, meaning he was unable to put his plan into action until lunch time. Jac was sat in her office, a chicken salad and an apple sat on her desk begging the pale consultant to take a break from her work on the computer screen. Her eyes were giving away the game as they blinked and moved across to look at the food every few seconds, but she had to finish this report. Eventually she gave in and tore open the plastic packaging. In the same second a knock on the door gave way to a cheeky nurse disturbing her lunch. No wonder she was so skinny, she thought to herself before eyeing the man up and down with a glare that no one could contend with. Except Jonny.

He picked up her apple and shook his head then pulled a blueberry muffin from behind his back and sat it in the same spot the apple had once occupied.

"What do you want?" She said. She had noticed the swap but had also noticed that her lunch was minimal and she doubted she was going to get much food tonight and so 'what the hell' came to mind.

"I really, really want to explain about last night." He grinned at her as she silenced herself ready for the excuses. "The thing is, I don't want to lie to you, but I can't tell you the truth right now."

"If you're going to be cryptic, I have plenty of things that need my attention."

"Sorry." He laughed at her even though she was being very serious with him. Perhaps that was why he laughed, he realised he was starting to love everything about this woman. He wanted to tell her everything, but first he wanted to know that she felt the same.

"I want to tell you everything about me Jac, and I want to know everything about you. You don't have to tell me right now but I want you to know that you can and that well, I love you."


	3. Chapter 3

**OKAY. Enjoy and thanks for the reviews keep them coming :) also I keep forgetting but the story is mainly Jonny based but there is no label for his character yet D: **

_2 years ago_

_He had seen his son only four times in the space of two years. Each time the boy had come he would reintroduce himself as his real dad, each time his heart would break. Being with him for a week each time mended it only for it to be torn again when the boy was torn from him. He was everything but was living on the other side of the world. His mother, the one he used to love so much, was living a dream in Australia. He had no love for her any more, just hate; vicious, venomous hatred that was always locked away when they visited but bubbled on the surface when she took the child back. He pretended that he was strong and each time waved to the small child as they left. He fell in love several times after she had gone, he was immune to heart break as losing his son was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, so it was easy for him to love a woman and for her not to return it._

"You what?" her eyes had left the computer screen and were now looking directly into his.

"I love you!" he laughed with relief as he said it, although her face was far from happy.

"Don't be stupid."

"I'm not, I am being deadly serious!"

"Makes a change." She smirked, even though right now she was feeling terribly awkward. She knew how she felt about him but this was Jac Naylor. She was not about to let herself get into a happy relationship with someone who loved her too.

"You don't have to say anything." He noticed her shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "We can carry on like I didn't say that if you want. It's just that I know you were bothered about me not coming round last night"

"I wasn't bothered actually." She quickly got that in there but her face gave away.

He sat on her desk and lowered his voice.

"Jac, please be honest with me. Just let me know if I am wasting my time. You might not love me now but-" his sentence was cut short by her lips on his.

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that… I'm crazy… I don't know you have just-"

"Charmed you so much that you're now crazily in love with me?"

"Something like that, yeah." She smiled one of her rare smiles which then turned sad.

"Don't let me down Jonny."

She began wondering if she had just made a mistake by committing herself to him. There was only one other who she had truly loved and he had left her. She didn't want to be broken like that again; she was taking such a risk with Jonny. She hadn't even accepted their relationship before this. She hoped he wouldn't start blabbing to everyone around the hospital. She felt exhilarated by her new found confidence with the relationship and so decided to ask him again. She thought she could take anything right now. "Where were you last night?" he looked at her face with a serious expression as though to prepare her for what was coming. It was something big, she could see in his eyes. She looked back at him and smiled to let him know she was ready, this was a completely new side to the consultant. He opened his mouth to speak and five words tumbled out, followed by silence.

"I was… with my son."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reading everyone :) enjoy this chapter and please leave reviews, any criticisms? :) **

_Yesterday_

_The doorbell rang quite a few times causing Jonny to lose his rag and opening the door roughly he prepared a yell- only for it to fail when he saw who was standing on the step. The child gave him the biggest smile that could have fit his face while the mother looked the complete opposite. She handed Jonny a suitcase of the child's things and told him, quietly so the boy wouldn't hear, to look after him because she just couldn't any more. She kissed the boy on the head and said only four words "be good for daddy" the boy smiled and leapt into the house. Jonny didn't know what to say, he stared after her as she ran back down the path and into the same taxi that had brought her here. They had moved back six months ago and Jonny had formed the best relationship he could with the child that he had unwillingly neglected, but that didn't mean that he was prepared for this. _

Jac sat stunned for a moment and released her grip on Jonny. He sat waiting for her to digest what he had just told her. Her mouth opened and closed but for once the feisty consultant was speechless. Jonny had the initiative to start explaining himself.

"His name is Zach and he is five. Me and his mum were together for a long time but then she left me and moved to Australia and she took him with her. I didn't see him very often, but then six months ago they moved back and it was great that I could see him again and so often. I don't know that you understand-"

"I do." she said, barely audible. He looked at her confused; there was so much that he didn't know about this woman, that he wanted to know.

"The thing is Jac, his mum is having a few problems at the moment. She turned up at my door with his stuff last night and told me that I had to look after him and right now, that's what I'm doing" he looked up at her, wanting some sort of response that wouldn't leave him feeling confused or worried.

"I think-" she cleared her throat, not knowing what to do, think or say was an uncomfortable situation for the consultant who always had something to say to everyone, "I think you should spend some more time with your kid before... before we start anything properly." she thought that would be a reasonable response, but not for Jonny.

"Well actually I was thinking of taking him to a fair next weekend you know to sort of distract him from things going on and was wonderin' if you would like to join us? Not as anything serious, just for a day out."

"I don't know Jonny, I'm not really a kid person, and this is huge. The whole me, you and a kid thing. I mean this woman has just abandoned this child and left him for you to look after, and like you said, that's what you need to do. I just want some more time to think about things. I mean you come and you tell me that you love me, then you tell me that you have a kid that is now living with you because his mother is having a crisis or whatever," she was ranting now and could feel herself losing control. Then she saw the look on his face and she felt so guilty, "just let me think about it okay?" she smiled at him to let him know that she was seriously considering things. As huge and as ridiculous this whole situation was, Jac was feeling ready for a relationship and she couldn't see anyone better right now than the man sitting in front of her, pouring out his feelings.


	5. Chapter 5

**YO YO YO! Enjoy this chapter and please please review, want to know people are still liking it, if not I will start a new one. All these recent fanfics are giving me inspiration, they are all so good, so well done! Anyway thanks for reading :) **

_20 years ago_

_The girl sat patiently and anxious while doctors and social workers hurried around her. She was small for her age and her facial features were deceiving to how old she actually was. Most of the doctors looked disgusted but sad when they saw her, not realising how old she actually was; but even then it was still quite a young age to be with child. The ginger teen had insisted she was in love and this baby was a symbol of it; even though in her heart she knew this was a lie because she had not heard from the 'love of her life' since she had told him about the pregnancy. That was 2 months ago. Her foster parents hadn't been best pleased but they had supported her. It was was strange concept to have people there to support and love you, perhaps this is why she felt so guilty telling them the news. At first they were angry; she had so much promise! She could have been a lawyer or a scientist or a heart surgeon. Anything she wanted, but now she had someone else in her life to think about. She was too young for all of this. That's what she heard them say often when they saw her drifting off into daydreams while cradling her tiny bump. In the hospital her foster mother held her hand. Something was wrong, and they both knew it. When they got the news they had both been dreading but expecting, the girl collapsed into a fit of hysteria, while the woman held her shoulders and whispered comforting words into her ear. Jac didn't hear any of them. This blow was too much for her, so much had gone wrong in her life. She just wanted it to end. _

Jac grew up not knowing her father and could understand why Jonny wanted to spend the time with his son. She even admired him. But this was Jac's life. Recently she had allowed herself to get too attached to someone, and she mustn't because they all just leave or get taken away. This was why she had had little sleep over the next few nights, thinking about what had happened, she was in conflict with herself. So first she had told a nurse, yes a nurse, that she loved him, after he had proclaimed his love for her. She thought that she did. It was different to how it felt before, this time it was more cautious, more ready for a letting down. This was the old Jac, she was not going to let herself get hurt again so she put up the same barriers but she was allowing herself some lee-way for once. Then she found out he had a kid. This was her weak spot. She had wanted to be a mother since her own had ceased to be one. No one knew this and it tore her up inside every time she thought back to all the opportunities she had in the past. No one knew anything about her really. Finding herself crying curled up on the sofa thinking about her life with almost a full bottle of red wine inside her, she wondered whether this was the time to talk even though talking was an alien concept to her unless the conversation was sharp and brimmed with sarcastic insults.

In her tipsy state she walked through to her bedroom and collapsed on her bed. She continued to think and as a result began over-thinking and came up with a pros and cons list in her head about telling Jonny a bit more about her. She really was a mystery to him, and she could tell. She was a mystery to everyone. She liked that at work, she didn't want to be gossiped about and she didn't want to be centre of attention relationship wise because that always led to someone judging you, having made this mistake with Joseph and his father, she had learnt her lesson. But maybe she could tell one person. The one who who had already shared something huge with her. She began thinking of other things that Jonny had yet to tell her and fell asleep with ridiculous images of his family in her head.

She woke up with a headache the next day, it was a good job she only had a couple of electives today and then she could be off home. Except she had something planned. She managed to drag herself into work and didn't look too shabby considering her late-night drinking and self-pitying. Jonny was once again laughing and joking with Mo, just like on the day he told her, except this time his laugh was so warm and genuine. They had spoken very little since, Jonny realising it was wise to give the Naylor some space. She walked up to them both, prepared to give them a lecture similar to the one the other day when she saw what they were laughing at. Jonny had a video of him and his son dancing around to one of these 'modern tunes' and she couldn't help but snigger when she saw Jonny's 'dad dancing'.

"You know I think even Sacha can dance better than that!" she smiled and beckoned Jonny to her office, while Mo looked on, surprised at the lack of anger from Jac.

"So I have been thinking and I don't think it is that terrible an idea that I come out with you and your kid, what was his name?" he was so surprised he didn't manage to answer for a few seconds.

" Erm it's Zach. So you're gonna' come?"

"Well I was thinking, a funfair's a bit old for him don't you think? And you will not catch me on any ride. So I was thinking the zoo would be a better idea. Kids love the zoo." this last part of her sentence confused him yet again.

"Yeah, I don't think he would want to go on any of the big rides anyway. That was just for me really! And since when do you know what kids love?" he raised his eyebrow and expected a classic cryptically sarcastic Naylor comment, but all he got was: "Well actually I want to show you something. End of the day, you can bring Zach, I take it he's in the crèche, and I am going to take you somewhere. You said you want to know about me so... this is part of me. You will be the only one who knows about it, so if I hear any gossip or rumours, I would treasure Zach because it will fairly unlikely you will be able to father another child." and with the stunned but excited look on his face, he was shooed out of her office.


	6. Chapter 6

**I know that this is a really quick update but I couldn't resist because I HAVE NO HOMEWORK TONIGHT WHICH IS A MIRACLE! ;) I know there is no consistency to the length of my chapters, it's just I always feel there's a right time to end it and so some are short and some are longer because more needs to be said. Anyway glad you're enjoying and I hope you continue to do so :) **

Zach was the spitting image of his father. He has the same blue-grey eyes and cheeky smile, which Jac reciprocated when the child beamed as they collected him from the hospital crèche.

"Who's this dad?"

"This is my friend Jac"

"Jac's a boy's name!" the boy giggled, and Jonny cautiously looked over to Jac who, luckily for him, was smiling brightly.

"It's short for Jacqueline, but that's too boring for me!" Jac playfully argued back. Jonny was stunned by the way she acted around Zach. He had not expected her to be so, well, comfortable around children. Then again he was soon learning that he knew little more than Jac shared at work, and that was very little. It was amazing then, that he had fallen in love with her. But looking at her now, chatting away to the little boy, he was glad that he had, because it meant he could find out all the other things about her. The good to be surprised at, the bad to be able to comfort her and everything else that would just make him fall further. He saw Zach whisper something to Jac and her hand reach out. Zach grasped it and suddenly they were running out of the hospital. Zach turned around and stuck his tongue out at Jonny, before Jac yelled: "Race ya!"

After Jonny had lost the race, they all crammed into Jonny's car. Jac decided she would stay at his tonight, the wine back at her flat was calling for another episode like last night which she could not afford.

"Where are we going then?" Jonny asked Jac who was looking rather uncomfortable in the passenger's seat.

"Okay well we are going to a place in Bath so get driving. The postcode is-"

"No sat-nav"

"No sat-nav?! Really Jonny? Right I will have to direct you," she then muttered, "No sat-nav, typical male."

After driving for half and hour and enduring endless cries of "I'm hungry", "I need the toilet" and the old classic, "Are we there yet?" they finally arrived at their destination. Jac got out of the car first and while Jonny turned off the engine, she helped Zach out of the car and they began walking up to the big house.

"So what am I to expect?" Jac had craftily directed him so he wouldn't see the sign as to what the house was.

"This is my past, but that's all I am going to give you." She smiled at him while he gave a sarcastic exasperated face. Meanwhile Jonny junior was tugging at his dad's hand, complaining that nobody was paying any attention to him ad that he still needed the toilet.

"Sorry, right, Zachary, tell me all about your day." And as the brown-haired boy chatted away to his dad, Jac found herself smiling and thinking how perfect this situation was.

A man in his late 30s opened the door and grinned widely as he saw Jac. He pulled her into a giant hug, and judging by her face, she enjoyed it the amount she enjoyed Sacha's hugs: not very much. Jonny laughed as he noticed how even here she was a socially awkward person.

"So who are these handsome chaps then?" the man pointed at Jonny and Zach who were both looking like lost animals.

"This is my boyfriend, oh God I hate that word, this is my partner I guess, Jonny and his son Zach who I met for the first time today and I am very happy to have met him because he is a lovely chap, as you say." She treated this guy like she knew him very well, noticed Jonny, it was the way she acted around Sacha, but unlike Sacha, Jonny could tell he had once shared a secret with Jac.

"Well hello there Sir", he reached his hand out to Zach who after a slight hesitation shook it.

"He needs the bathroom Mike." Said Jac quietly and after Mike had said hi to Jonny he directed the child to the end of the hallway where he would find the toilet. Jonny was looking fairly bemused at this point and so Jac pulled him into the living room, which was crowded with kids. Mike went to get them drinks.

"Hey Jac!" yelled half of the group. One boy ran up to her and hugged her legs because he was too short, she picked him up and said hello sweetly to him then asked him to show her some of his drawings.

"This was the place I came to… when Paula, my mother abandoned me when I was 12 to go to India. I come here quite regularly, see the kids catch up with Mike, he was a former resident too and my best friend. I'm not the ice-queen you all make me out to be." Jonny was listening intently and was still silently getting his head round the information while she made room for them both on the sofa, shifting paper and pens and toys to the other side. She laughed at the expression on his face and talked to the boy who had now produced some "marvellous" pictures for her to look at. She was right, she clearly wasn't heartless. She was amazing and caring, but nobody knew, because she was ashamed of her past. This made him feel both happy and sad; happy that there was this whole side of her that he had just discovered, but sad that no one else could see this, otherwise they would think twice before calling her the names that they do. He realised that this was just the start of the life he wanted to know about.

"So tell me about your m- I mean Paula."

**Please can someone tell me if the characters are believable? I am worried that I am struggling with Jac because I want to show her to have a softer side but I don't want her to lose the character that we love :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews, please keep them coming, I love reading them and seeing that people are liking it :) even if you don't like it, I'm open to criticism :P anywayyy next installment because it's friday, and I don't have to do my homework till Sunday so plenty of time to update :) hahaha**

The trio stayed for a dinner of chicken nuggets and chips, which Jonny found out was one of Jac's favourites and clearly Zach's who had cleared his plate and was asking for more. Jac found out all about Zachary through dinner, how he was 5 years old, his mummy was called Sarah and she had a new boyfriend called Alex who he didn't like as much as his daddy because Alex didn't buy him any toys. She also found out that at his school he had three gold cards because he had earned 30 house points because he was clever and nice and a good friend. Jac wasn't the only one fascinated by Zach's stories though; he seemed to have made a friend: the boy who had come up to show Jac his pictures had introduced himself to Zach as Henry Young and the boys proceeded to play with super hero figures while Jonny and Jac talked a bit more about her past. It got to eight o'clock and it was time the three of them to leave, Zach was yawning but insisting that he didn't want to go and that he wasn't even tired one bit. Jac laughed while Jonny picked him up and carried him to the car. Jac retaliated Mike's hug reluctantly but laughed when he squeezed her tighter, ignoring her claims of suffocation.

Jonny was sat at the car, but Jac had wanted to ask Mike about something.

"So what do you think Mike? Is he worth it?" she sighed

"Listen to me Jacqueline Naylor; you had better not ruin this because whatever you may think, you are worth it."

"You sound like an advert for L'Oreal." He flicked his none existent hair and she laughed.

"Look Jac, you can't let your past rule your life forever; I know you're lovely so why don't you let everyone else know, eh? He seems like a good'un."

"Oh I forgot to ask, how is Steve?"

"Not getting any better, but he won't go and see a doctor. I've told him to go to Holby and see you, but it's like admitting defeat to him! You and him are quite similar in that respect, if I wasn't gay maybe, hey Jac? Hmm?" he winked at her and she pouted, "Anyway, get going chuck it's cold, see you next week yeah?"

"Yeah you will. Seriously tell Steve to call me at least okay? If he get's any worse I will help you drag him in!" she started walked and waved bye to him as she reached the car door. She struggled to see in the dark so Jonny opened it from the inside and the warmth of the heater beckoned her closer.

Zach was asleep in the back so Jac and Jonny sat for most of the journey in silence, mostly thinking about the day's events. He was shocked to hear about her mother. Who could just abandon their child? Then come back and do it again. She was selfish, that's why; to come back just for a kidney. To make your daughter feel like that; thinking about it again made him feel so angry. He wished he could have been there to protect her the second time; to be there for when she deserted her after taking an organ from her, but he could be there for her now. There was one thing he had to ask her.

"Jac?"

"Yeah?" she was surprised to be interrupted from her thoughts.

"Is there another reason you visit that home?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean Jac, have you ever… thought well, I don't know, I mean… are children something that you would want in the future or are something that you have wanted? Is that why?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, thanks for reviewing guys :) enjoy this chapter, it's a bit short but there will certainly be more on the way because I like to leave my tonnes of homework until last thing Sunday night xD Please review and thanks for reading it :)**

She felt as though she had just been punched in the stomach. She was winded by a question and rendered speechless. How was she supposed to answer this? What exactly was it that he was asking? A general do you want children? Or do you want children with me? The first was what she was hoping for as, she did love Jonny, but the thought of having children with him right now was ridiculous. Then again neither of them was getting any younger and Jac knew she wanted a child one day, and after the departure of Joe and Harry, she knew that her career wasn't everything.

"Jac?" she had been thinking all of these things and so had not realised that they were at Jonny's house. They stayed in the car; Jonny was waiting patiently for Jac's answer.

"I go to the home because I was like them at one point, I had no family and we relied on one-another. Like if someone visited the home and was thinking of adopting, nobody stood in anyone's way because we all felt the same. But yes I think children are something that I have always wanted; just I have never made the time or the most out of my opportunities. All of those children in there have grown up knowing me and I can't just desert them even though going every week makes me feel guilty because I could adopt one of them maybe even two, but that wouldn't be fair on the rest of them. Then I feel guilty if I had my own child knowing that there were so many in there that had no parents that I could be a mother to. I'm just stuck. Everyone at work thinks I'm some heartless cow and if I had a child it would suffer. They're wrong, if I had a child it would be the most cherished and looked after human being in the world, but I can't just tell them that because I have a reputation to uphold and that has always been too important to me." Jonny saw that she wasn't even talking to him any more. She was having an argument with herself, one that she had been through many times. He put his arm around her and she lowered her voice to a whisper, speaking through sobs.

"I just self-sabotage Jonny, I'm surprised you even love me at all."

"Hey," he lifted her chin up and looked her right in the eyes, "I love you because of all of those things you just said, not despite it okay. You taking me there today was amazing and now I know so much more about you. You should open up more Jac and then people at work wouldn't think anything like that. Not that they do now-"she laughed and sniffed.

"I think they do. What am I, the Termi-Naylor?" she laughed a soft laugh and Jonny pulled her closer to him, which was quite uncomfortable as they were both still strapped by their seatbelts.

"Why don't we go inside eh?" she nodded and they both got out of the car. Jac opened the back seat and hoisted Zachary into her arms and walked with Jonny to the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for reviewing, please keep them coming. This is a bit of a filler chapter but I'm writing the next one :) Enjoy :)**

_2 months later_

Jac was beginning to accept the gossip around the hospital after Jonny had insisted on entering at the same time as her every time she stayed at his house which was becoming more frequent after their secret sharing session. It was more than just a raunchy episode too. Sarah, who had apparently become an alcoholic since her last visit, had been back on the scene demanding that he give her Zach back, however the wrath of Jac Naylor was enough to keep her at bay for some time. Jonny had enjoyed the particular moment when Jac was barricading the door had bombarded Sarah with sarcastic insults, who was cowering away from her. Luckily Jonny had gained custody of Zach quite easily; Jac had friends in high places and the fact that Sarah was now a complete lunatic did not help her cause. Zach had started to ask questions about his mummy, Jac had wanted to give him a straight answer that she was a waste of time, but he wasn't her kid so she stood back and let Jonny tell him that his mummy was not well and wouldn't be well for a while.

Now that he was going to be staying with Jonny, they had all gone school hunting together. They visited five schools in total, finally deciding that a primary school close to the hospital was the best option. Jonny wanted Zach to have a good education, but was adamant that he would not pay for it until he was going to high school. For once Jac agreed with him and Jonny laughed, saying they were becoming a proper family unit. Jac was taken aback but was also beginning to feel happy that she had let herself become part of something, and when Jonny asked her to move in with him, she didn't let herself think before happily agreeing. She didn't let herself think because she knew she would have come up with some excuse; she didn't want to do it anymore though. She wanted to take the risks because she wanted to be happy and right now, Jonny was where happiness was.

Her life compiled into very few cardboard boxes, Jonny noticed as he helped her pack up her belongings. There were just clothes and furniture, even then most of the furniture was being sold and she had a small number of items of clothing. Jonny had not turned a blind eye to the lack of personal objects and so when one cropped up he always asked about it. Jac would mutter about "how this was going to take all day if he continued to ask her about every single little thing!" but with a cheeky grin he could always win her round to telling him the story of how she gained the weird and wonderful objects.

Jonny, unbeknownst to Jac who was in the bathroom, had taken a look on the top shelf of her wardrobe and had discovered a box which was basically a shrine to Joseph, a man who he knew very little about as that was one chapter of her life that Jac was not ready to share with him. he was shocked to see pictures of them together, pictures of a baby labelled 'Harry on his first birthday!' and numerous other occasions, as well as letters from the mystery man. He was unsure of whether to confront Jac about the box, but he didn't have to think about asking, as just as he was putting them back, she walked into the room.

"Ah I see." They both looked at each other for a moment, Jac realising that it was now time to share some more secrets with Jonny.


	10. Chapter 10

**I know I have already updated today, but this will be the last opportunity for a bit because school gets in the way. There is also the fact that I am rather enjoying writing this fanfic. I have actually come up with another idea, but I will have to wait until this one is complete I know haha! Anyway, enjoy, please review, I like reading them and do not care about criticism (in fact I welcome it! You're not being rude, just helpful.) **

"I wasn't looking I was just packing and then I came across it and I was being a bit nosey and then-"

"It's…okay. I think. It's something that was going to come up anyway; we can't talk about my past without mentioning Joseph."

"So he was pretty important then!" Jonny laughed nervously, he knew that she had been in a relationship with him at one point but then numerous events occurred, ruining it.

"I was in love with him, I still… no," looking at Jonny's face, she tried to rephrase what she wanted to say, "I still feel something for him, different to what I feel for you. With you I love you and I'm happy and I can't wait to do everything that comes with a normal relationship, I mean I'm moving in with you! Me: Jac Naylor 'commitaphobe'! With him it's just regret I think, regret because things could have gone better, we could have worked on things. But he left and my career was far too important for me to follow him. I still think about what could have happened if I had gone or he had stayed. I don't know, maybe we would have been happy, but there was always the lack of trust and things we could throw back at each other in an argument and I've come to accept the fact that, unfortunately it wouldn't have worked." Jonny sat and listened to her, feeling slightly relieved that she didn't still love this bloke and was sending him secret letters proclaiming such things.

"So what are the letters?"

"Well after he left he wrote to me, I didn't write back at first, I couldn't face it. But eventually I just wanted to know how he was doing and knowing that he had moved on with his life helped me to move on with mine. And that's where we are."

"Who's better looking?" she had just reencountered all of her memories and this was the first thing he could say. She picked up one of the cushions from the top of a box and threw it at him. He feigned injury before chucking the cushion back. After what escalated into a full on pillow-fight the pair eventually collapsed on to her bed.

After an hour of 'not-getting-much-packing-done' (which is what the kids call it nowadays) Jac showered while Jonny packed up the rest of her belongings, putting aside objects that he wanted to ask her about when she had finished.

"Hair dryer?" she waltzed into the room wrapped in a fluffy white dressing gown.

"Erm well you could open all of the boxes again or you could just wait until we get to mine."

"Oh great!" She huffed out of the room, collecting the clothes that had been disregarded on the floor.

They collected Zach and dropped him off at Jonny's mother's which was 'conveniently' close to Jonny's own home. Jonny used this word to try and make Jac see the positives, but Jac only ever saw the spoilt mummy's boy whenever they went round. His mother disapproved of Jac obviously, because she did all of Jonny's girlfriends. His sisters were a bit better, but that's just because two of them still lived in Scotland with their dad and the other two were a bit less protective of their little brother. Jac told him that he was lucky that he didn't have any parents to contend with on her side.

They eventually got into work, after being forced to have a 'small' snack with his mother, meaning they were late, and Jac did not like lateness. Jonny grabbed her hand just as they exited the lift on to Darwin, while Jac shot him the dirtiest look ever. But she didn't let go, instead she pulled him in for a full on kiss, just to see the look on Tara's face. Leaving both him and Tara gobsmacked, she practically skipped to her office, only turning round to blow him a cheesy kiss at the door. He reached out at grabbed it, then 'put it in his pocket'. This was their new comical routine to leave the rest of the Darwin squad slightly embarrassed and speechless. It was working as Tara avoiding Jonny's gaze at the nurses' station, while he smirked to himself and put his thumbs up at Jac who was awaiting confirmation at her door.

"Jac?"

"Have you ever heard of knocking?"

"Erm right yeah, no time, you're needed. Some guy been referred from the ED… He's with Mike."

"Steve?" she jumped out of her chair now and ran to the door. Jonny was quick at her heels.

"Hey, nice…to… see you…Jac." The man managed to emit these words albeit with a bit of difficulty.

"Hey Steve just don't speak for a minute." She fixed his oxygen mask back on his face before checking his BP and listening to his chest. Mike stood out of the way, knowing his place while Jac carried out her work; although the worry never escaped his face for one minute. Jac finished her examination and muttered something about obs and a theatre slot to Jonny

"He's going to need an operation?"

"Yeah, but I know what I'm doing Mike."

"Yeah of course you do. Is this because he didn't come sooner?" She paused before answering; for once she was trying to be tactful.

"It's a possibility, but with his condition, surgery was always going to be needed."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Mike, you know surgery has risks and I can't promise you anything except my best."

"I just thought… I thought we would have a bit longer, you know?"

"Look, we are going to get him into theatre as soon as we can."


	11. Chapter 11

**Please please please review guys :3 Enjoy :) **

Jac had left instructions with Tara on how to look after Mike when it was finally time for Steve to go into theatre. He was becoming increasingly worse and the look on Jac's face as they left was not one that Mike could shake out of his head. The staff knew Mike was getting the special treatment, with the best coffee and the staffroom biscuits, but when does a friend of Ms Naylor's ever just turn up expecting his partner to be saved? When does a friend of Ms Naylor's just turn up? How could they even begrudge him these things when his partner lay on an operating table, his life in the hands of the one and only Jac Naylor.

Mike was a very nervous person, the polar opposite to Jac and Tara began wondering how little she and her other colleagues new about their boss. She had been surprised twice that night; although she knew Jonny and Ms Naylor had been seeing each other, she didn't know that they were actually in a relationship, until Jonny let it slip that she had just moved in. this was followed by a squeal of excitement from Tara, and a look from Jonny that said 'you better not tell her I told you'. She had also been surprised to discover that Ms Naylor had a life out of this place, actually that sounded a bit harsh, but she never expected her superior to have friends or a social life beyond other people in medicine. She would have never expected her to be friends with Mike. Mike whose only similarity to Jac was that he was not a shy person, was funny even in the most dire of situations. Not sarcastic funny, as with Jac, but a more knock knock kind of funny. He was also very scruffy, his jeans had rips and his t-shirt looked as though it had seen better days. He was a worrier though and throughout his chat with Tara she could see his eyes flick to the clock on the wall every few minutes, and then ask if this was how long surgery normally took. Tara really could not get her head around how these two would ever meet, and how they would become best friends, because that's what he told her they were. She wondered if she could get more out of him, and decided that to keep his mind away from Steve, she could become 'Tara Holmes' and ask him how he met Jac Naylor.

"Okay, I am going to tell you this story, but you are not, in any circumstances, to repeat this to anyone or tell her that I told you any of this. I'm just going to give you the basic idea okay." Tara nodded eagerly and sat on the edge of her seat in the relatives' room in preparation.

"When she was 12, she was abandoned by her own mother and so this resulted in her being brought into care." Tara was quite shocked by this first revelation about her boss. Already she could understand why the woman was so, so, well just the way that she was.

"That's where I met her. We weren't friends straight away, she wouldn't talk to anyone. She locked herself away in her room, barely spoke to the staff even. Eventually she got over her mum, well I mean you can't obviously get over something like that, but I mean she realised that she wasn't coming back. She thought it was her fault, I think she still does in a way. I always tell her no, it's her's. She has given up the best thing that could have happened to her." Tara had never heard anyone describe her boss as the best thing that could happen to anyone. Then again, nobody knew the real Jac Naylor.

"We became friends when she stuck up for me when I was getting bullied because they thought I was gay. There was a bit of a stigma on gay people back then, and we were young, only 14, So I couldn't very well tell people I was gay, especially coming from a children's home too! she stuck up for me though. It was weird, I had barely spoken to this girl and here she was telling people that she was my girlfriend! Even though she came from the home, people were a bit more willing to accept her at school because she was pretty and played it cool. Standing up for me lost her a little, what do you young'uns say? Street cred' or whatever, but I gained some!" Tara laughed at the man, he was not old but here he was reminiscing like he was 80!

"We have been stuck together since then. Over 20 years, blimey! She was there when I got the job as head care-worker, she was the 'best woman' at our wedding and she was there when Steve was diagnosed with cancer and she helped us both through it. I know what you all think of her, she paints the image that she's this tough lady: 'hard-as-nails' Naylor, but really she is so caring and so much more wonderful than you can ever imagine." Tara was actually close to tears by this point, luckily then, that Jonny came in to tell them that Jac was finished and she wanted to speak to him.


	12. Chapter 12

NEXT CHAPTER! Enjoy it! Please please review guys, just to let me know what you think or any ideas you have because I am writing as I go along so I want ideas and opinions :)

_She didn't notice the brown-haired boy watching her as she fought against the social workers dragging her into the home. She kept screaming about how her mum was coming back and she had only been gone for a week and she had lasted much longer on her own before. The boy smiled to himself; even though he was so young, this was old news to his ears as he had heard the same lines over and over again. Amanda came here not long after him and shouted almost the same thing, although with a bit less gusto. Brian had also told them matter-of-factly that his father would be back for him and he was going sue them for bringing him in. He almost believed the ginger though; the look in her eyes screamed that she didn't belong there. Whether that meant her mum would reappear, it was too soon too tell. She didn't speak to anyone in the home for over two weeks. She tried to run away after school a couple of times, but got caught because they had the van. The boy noted that she was pretty fast and if they were running to catch up with her, she probably could have lost them. She finally realised that she was going nowhere and her mum really had gone to India for good. If she was going to get anywhere, she was going to have to talk to people and that meant escaping from her room from time to time. She got into trouble quite often but her first and last foster parents were quite happy to look after her as long as she carried on doing well at school. Unfortunately, there were numerous events that occurred almost simultaneously, ruining Jac's relationship with this family, but never breaking the bond she had with Mike._

"The surgery went well; I've removed the part of the tumour that was restricting his breathing but we don't know what the next 24 hours are going throw at us." Mike smiled but the solemn look on Jac's face suggested there was bad news to follow this. "And unfortunately, scans have shown that the…cancer has spread and, I'm so, so sorry Mike, but there really is nothing I can do. The time you have left is decreasing because of the rate at which it is spreading. I wish that there was something I could do." Tears began rolling down his cheeks and Jac's poker face was nowhere to be seen as she instigated the hug between her and her friend.

Jac couldn't concentrate on her other work and delegated tasks to Tara and Oliver. She sat at the nurses' station constantly looking over into the high dependency room. Mike sat grasping his partner's hand, mumbling to him, telling him to wake up. Her mind began to wander as she watched the two of them. That was why she didn't notice the alarm blaring right away. It was a split second but then she was up and out of her chair, pushing past the nurses and dragging Jonny into the room. He started compressions while she got the defibrillator.

"Charge 360, clear!" she shocked him but the machines continued to bleep. Jonny read out numbers to Jac, none of which meant anything to Mike, who had been pushed into the corner. They continued shocking and compressions but nothing was working, he was gone. Mike was saying "he's gone Jac, just stop." but Jac had ceased listening to him. Jonny had stopped compressions and was waiting for Jac to call it. She just looked at him in desperation and threw the paddles down, causing a loud crash, starting the compressions herself. Jonny grabbed her hands, stopping her. She pushed him away and let the tears fall freely from her eyes. She stalked out of the room leaving Mike staring at Steve, lying lifeless on the bed, and Jonny staring after Jac.


	13. Chapter 13

**Enjoy :) Thank you all for reading my fic, I appreciate it. Want to know what you guys think about this chapter especially, because it is quite sad so just wanted to know how it all came across to you guys :) **

She went to the toilets. Solitary in one cubicle she cried silently. Jac thought that Jonny might come after her; she was right but he heard her slightly stifled sobs and thought it was best to let her have some time on her own. He really was beginning to know her quite well. She stayed for about an hour just crying and thinking about how this was going to destroy Mike and that she was being selfish for running away when he was going to need his best friend. This was what eventually brought her out of the cubicle.

She walked back on to the ward, forgetting to change her appearance before she left the bathroom. This was like the walk of shame for Jac; deserting her best friend when he needed her. He had just lost his partner for goodness sake! She was scolding herself because this was just another thing that Jac Naylor was about; she was selfish and now she had pushed away her best friend. Thinking about it, she didn't want to know how Jonny was feeling towards her right now. He must be disgusted. She acted so unprofessional, but not only that, she just left him to cope with it.

The ward was quiet so the sound of Jac's footsteps could be heard. It was Jonny she first saw and who first saw her, she averted his gaze. Nobody said a word to her as she moved her way to the office, where Mike was waiting for her.

"Nice of you to resurface. Meanwhile, Steve has been taken down to the morgue and I have been breaking my heart to that nice young doctor outside. You know the one who you're always telling me is incredibly irritating? Yeah, the foetus in scrubs. Well let me tell you something Jac, she handled that situation far better than you did. I know you had a connection but I thought that as my friend you would have had the decency to stick around and be there for me!" he stopped his rant and paced around the room. He was taking the death badly and was looking for someone to blame. Well she thought to herself, he has every right.

"It was too much for me to take, I couldn't save him and it's my job to save people, it's what I do every day, but not today. Today, of all days I had to lose him. I didn't want to have to see the look on your face when it was over."

"I'm not angry about that Jac! You just left me! He is gone and I'm stood there alone, when you could have been by my side!" he was crying harder, it was all he had seemed to do that night.

"I was angry that I had lost him! I couldn't stay because I couldn't face you after that Mike! Please just let's not argue; you want to talk to me, talk to me. I'm here and I'm ready to listen and I am so, so sorry that I wasn't before. You know me Mike; I would never hurt you on purpose. I was so scared you were going to blame me." He looked at her sadly. He didn't even notice the black mascara lines coming from her eyes or the redness underneath them before.

"I know you tried your best Jac, I would never have blamed you. You have cried on my shoulder enough times for me to know that surgery does not always go as planned." He sat at her desk and put his head in his hands. She stayed where she was, cautious of what was going to happen next.

"Did I tell you about the time me and him went to Madagascar? I think you might have been working up in Manchester."

They spent the rest of the night talking about Steve. Their memories making them laugh and cry. When Jonny walked in to tell Jac that he was off and he would see her at home she looked at him with a worried look on her face. She had forgotten that she had just gone and didn't know how he was going to react. She needn't have worried though, because he just kissed the top of her head and said "I love you" she called back telling him not to wait up, but he replied that he always did because recently he found that he couldn't sleep without her their. A dependency that was the same for Jac, and was strange for the both of them. "Love you too!" she shouted as the door closed. Mike sniffed and smiled at his friend.

Jac drove him to his flat on the other side of town. They were both getting pretty tired and Jac knew he was putting on a brave face, even for her.

"You know, I prepared myself for this moment but I just didn't think it would have come so fast."

"I know." Jac agreed quietly.

"This means you're going to have to come round and see me more often you know! Bring me soup or whatever. I already took some time off work when I thought Steve was going to be ill."

"You had better not go back for a while; you need time to get over things. I know you can never get over this sort of thing but you know what I mean. I know some people, I can give you their number you can go and talk to-"

"Not to be rude or anything, but I don't need to talk to a psychiatrist okay? That's not me, and that's where you and I are similar." She looked up at him and knew what he was referring to. She hugged him tight at his door then went back to her car. She waited until he had reached his floor and switched on the front room light. She always did this; it was the third floor and the second light from the left. Then she started up the car and drove away, leaving Mike alone with what she knew would be his thoughts and tears.

Jonny was awake and sat on the sofa watching the news when Jac finally got home. She sat next to him and he put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Tough night." He said as she once again cried on his chest.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey! This is a bit of a filler but enjoy nonetheless :) Please review and thank you to those who have been doing :) **

1 month later

Jac did not get over the death of Steve for quite some time. It was not just the fact that she had lost one of her friends and how it had impacted Mike her best friend, but it had also had a serious knock on her confidence. Everyone in the hospital had been hearing about the strange occurrences on Darwin, with Jac delegating more and more work to Tara and Oliver. Most people just thought that she wanted to see if they could handle the workload, but others who knew her better, knew that she was scared; a feeling that Jac Naylor does not feel normally. Sacha noticed that she was acting strangely and invited her for lunch, from which he deciphered that she needed a break. She laughed at this thought, the first time in a month that she had laughed. They went for a drink after work, well Sacha drank and Jac stuck to the orange juice, she had a long theatre list tomorrow and once she had had one glass of wine, she would not be able to stop herself; or that's what she told him anyway.

It took a long and serious operation to put Jac Naylor back in the driving seat. Mo was having trouble with the patient; well the patient was actually having trouble with Mo. So Jac being the kind-hearted woman that she is accepted the patient, seeing as she didn't have much going on. This operation was one of those make-or-break moments, and Jac being the brilliant surgeon that she is… panicked. It took some of Jonny's singing in theatre and some mind-clearing to get her through it. But when she had she seemed to be back to her usual self; except Jonny knew her better now, and decided it was time to do some detective work.

There was still something wrong with Jac and he was sure of it. She didn't talk as much, seemed much more irritable and was spending more and more time working; it was as though she was trying to avoid him. He thought that the whole experience with Mike and Steve had made her think twice about their relationship and she was going to end it with him…when she got the time. He couldn't but think that if she was going to do it, would she get it over and done with already? Zach was getting used to her being around and he actually spent quite a lot of time with her; so Jonny didn't think it was fair on his son to keep them hanging on for ages. It wasn't as though he wanted this to happen, it's just that he thought it was inevitable and had accepted it that it was going to come soon.

Except it didn't and Jonny found the real reason why Jac had been acting the way she had. He found a poorly discarded pregnancy test that read positive.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for reviewing guys :) Enjoy this chapter and I will more than likely update again a couple of times this weekend because clearly homework just isn't that important! **

_Jac was in theatre doing an important operation; the chairman was watching. She couldn't afford to slip up. Jonny walked in holding the pregnancy test in his hand. His face was crumpled up and she couldn't see it properly, he was talking in his beautiful Scottish accent but she couldn't actually hear anything. She doubled over in pain then collapsed to the floor… it was happening again._

Her face was contorting and he stroked her hair, these dreams had possessed her for a week now. He didn't ask what they were about but each morning she would lie to him and say she didn't dream at all last night, in fact she had a really good sleep. He watched her this morning; her chest rising and falling rhythmically until one aspect of her dream made her breathing increase speed and she shot up in the bed, brushing the hair away from her face, before turning to look at Jonny. He raised his eyebrows at her before pulling her backwards on to his chest. There were so many things he still wanted to find out about her; what the tattoo on her hip said (it was in Hebrew), what her favourite holiday destination was, what she liked to do at Christmas…

Why she hadn't told him about their baby.

They lay stationary for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was about ten minutes before Jonny said he had found something that might interest her.

"Yeah? Go on then?" she looked intrigued. In the past month, trying to talk to this woman was nearby impossible, but right now she was all his.

"You didn't get rid of it well enough. I found the pregnancy test." The moment's peace was shattered as her heart pounded so loudly and violently she thought it might burst out of her chest. She sat up in the bed upright, her long ginger hair curling around her shoulders as she turned to face him.

"I threw it away!"

"Yeah you did, just not very discretely! Why didn't you tell me?" his voice was slightly higher than normal.

"We can't have a kid Jonny, moving in together was quick enough, we haven't been together that long!"

"Are you telling me you've got rid of it? Without even telling me?" his eyes showed sadness while the rest of him tensed in anger. Jac was a mirror image.

"No, I've made the appointment for next week."

"So you were just gonna' go and get rid of it without even consulting me? Without even asking me what I want? If you hadn't realised Jac, it's my baby too!"

"No it's not, it's nobody's baby it's a fertilised egg that is not going to be there for much longer."

"Just because you think it's too quick? Jac, can you not see that it could be perfect? We already have Zach, and you have shown you have the capability to be maternal! You told me that you wanted a child, you told me!"

"No, _we_ don't already have Zach, _you_ already have Zach. I'm just your girlfriend and that's all he knows and sees me as Jonny. I do want a child but it's too soon, I moved in what? A just over a month or so ago and you're prepared for this? Because I'm bloody not!"

"Come on Jac, can we at least talk about it properly?" she had gotten out of bed, the sheet wrapped around her. She was hiding her face from him; she didn't want him to see her tears.

"We have already talked about it Jonny and that's it." she left the room and sobbed silently, knowing she should have told him the real reason she was about to get rid of this baby, this part of her and part of him. She couldn't do it; she couldn't tell him that it had happened three times before so why wouldn't it happen this time?

Why wouldn't she miscarry their child and have to go through the process of grieving again? The truth was she was scared, she couldn't handle losing someone else.

**If you're a bit confused about the times, they in in the middle of November right now. So the story started in like late August-early September-ish :) **


	16. Chapter 16

**Enjoy and please review :) Next update will be sometime this week :) **

Jonny sat in his mother's house watching his sister's son George attack Zach's Doctor Who figure with his own Slitheen. His mum was talking to him about Liz who had annoyed her at bingo or something; he wasn't really listening. He was too busy thinking about what had just happened between him and Jac. He was very angry to say the least. How dare she decide? Why hadn't she even told him? Does he not deserve that at least? His mum always knew when there was something bothering him, and had finished her story as oblivious as Jonny had been.

"So what's up with you?" She smiled and sat in her armchair. Nobody else was allowed to sit in that armchair, or you would feel the wrath of Mrs Maconie, which, Jonny was sure, could easily contend with Jac's.

"Ah just me and Jac had a bit of a tiff. Nothin' to worry about." he smiled a cheeky smile but his mother was having none of it.

"Jonathan Edward Maconie, you tell your old mum what is wrong right now!" she hit him with her slipper and Jonny cried out in 'pain'. He hit away the slipper and rubbed his arm.

"Jac's pregnant." he looked down at his feet.

"How long?"

"I don't know, I only found out a few days ago."

"And you still don't know?!"

"She wants to get rid of it. She's made an appointment." his mother looked at him, her face painted with a shocked expression.

"Why does she want to get rid of it? Have you two talked about it?"

"She just said because it's too soon or whatever. I dunno." She stroked her son's hand as he fought to hold back tears.

"Look, I know what I've said about that girl, but I think it's something else. I've seen the way she is with Zach, she would not pass off the opportunity for a wee babe of her own."

"So what are'ya sayin?"

"I'm telling you Jonny there's something else, she's a secretive lass. I know it's difficult but there has to be another reason. As much as I hate to say it," her lips thinned, "I think she really does love you boy. Not as much as I love you, but ther isn't a lass who could." Jonny reddened as his mum planted a soppy kiss on his cheek which he wiped away with the back of his hand.

Jac sat alone in the house. This was the furthest she had ever come in a relationship. She was living with him and functioning in the normal family way. Well, Jac didn't know much about that but she was trying her best to be a good role-model to Zach, who really had taken a shine to her. He was talking less and less about his mum and more and more about Jac, who secretly loved it. She wanted child, and she wanted it with Jonny, but she didn't want to go through all the pain of having another miscarriage; she thought that there must be something wrong with her for it to have happened three times. This one area of her life was the one she needed to talk about the most, but she was the least willing to share it with anyone, thinking that they would blame her and see that she does have weaknesses. She looked away from Jeremy Kyle and to her flat stomach. Inside her was a tiny living thing and it was hers and Jonny's, because as much as Zach was a part of her life, he wasn't hers and that was what she wanted most in the world. A child that she could look after and be a mother too, to show that she wasn't her mother, that she wasn't a heartless bitch.

When Jonny eventually came home, it was 6 o'clock and Jac had been busy. The kitchen was spotless and there was a pasta bake in the oven; his favourite. There was no sign of Jac downstairs, so he left Zach in the front room with his figures and climbed the stairs.

"Jac? Hello? Where are you?" nothing, maybe she was asleep, he thought. He reached the top of the stairs and there was still no answer from Jac, but he could here a faint sob coming from the bathroom.

"Jac?" he said quietly, the sobbing got louder, but nobody came to answer the door. He pushed hard and it eventually gave way.

Jac sat on the floor, her hands covering her face. Her legs were tucked in close to her chest. She was shaking uncontrollably and let out a cry as Jonny tried to come close to her, she was panicking and he wanted to calm her down. It only took him a few seconds to discover what had happened, her trousers were blood stained.

**Sorry the ending of this chapter is a bit sad D: **


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you so much for the reviews :) Many of you reading might think I have been watching too many Doctor Who episodes written by Steven Moffat. It may not seem like it right now, but I do want this to have a happy ending haha! Anywhooo enjoy and review and thanks for reading! :)**

He sat next to her until her crying had stopped. His own tears ran down his face but he didn't bother to catch them. He was concentrating on her and how difficult this must be and in that moment, he knew what his mother had meant. Seeing her with her face buried in her hands, collapsed on the cold tiles, she was the weakest and most vulnerable he had ever seen her.

When she was ready, he helped her change. She was still shaking and sobbing but they managed to make it to the car. He drove to his mother's to drop Zachary off before taking her to the hospital. She had finally stopped crying when they had reached the hospital but she was still shaking and Jonny couldn't decide which he preferred: her sobs or the morbid silence.

A doctor checked her and confirmed what they already knew. She lay on the bed; one hand in Jonny's and was squeezing it tightly and the other on top of her stomach. This had happened to her before many times so why was she acting this way? Her breathing was erratic and she couldn't stop shaking; her whole body felt like it had been attacked by some invisible force, when really she was just overcome by shock and grief. It was too soon for her to be feeling this again after what happened with Steve. She had told Mike she was pregnant, she had also told him what she proposed to do. He warned her that she should tell Jonny, but she didn't listen and now she was going through this alone. Yes he was there with her, but he didn't know what was going on in her head. He didn't know how long this would take for her to get over, not that you really did get over them. He didn't know that this was what she got for wanting a child so desperately it hurt. For once though, she wanted him to know, she needed someone to help her through this one.

"Jonny?" she whispered almost inaudibly. Unfortunately this was the time that the doctor decided to come back.

"Ms Naylor I notice here that you have had three miscarriages previous to this one?" an Irish accent had never sounded so bad to Jac in all her life. She looked over to Jonny who looked back at her.

"Have you never thought of being tested for various diseases that could cause this?"

"Erm…" she cleared her throat, this doctor was so tactless, she was going to make sure he paid for it when she was feeling herself again; just thinking like this, like her usual self gave her the confidence to speak.

"I don't know, I never thought about it really." This was a lie and Jonny knew it.

"Well we can get something done now if you want, but obviously I understand that this is a difficult time for you. Here is my number, you can book an appointment for some tests." She took the piece of paper from him after looking shamefully away from Jonny.

"This is also the number of a friend of mine if you want to talk-"

"I don't." With that she slid off the bed still in pain and having to grab hold of Jonny for support and as always, he provided it.

The car ride back to the house was very uncomfortable for them both. Jonny didn't want to say anything because the look on Jac's face was one of deep thought; no doubt she was thinking about their child that she had lost. Her head slipped back into the seat and he realised that she had fallen asleep; tear tracks covering her face. He parked the car in the drive-way and as quietly as he could, opened and shut his door, before coming round to her side and opening it. He undid her seatbelt before lifting her out of the seat. She stirred just a little before falling into the space under his shoulder. He struggled to get the key into the lock with her in his arms but he didn't put her down and struggled for a couple of minutes before eventually managing it. He took her up the stairs and lay her down in their bed. He kissed the top of her head and tucked her hair behind her ear before returning downstairs to call his mum and allowing his tears to consume him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks for the reviews xD Enjoy this chapter which is a bit happier than the previous two! Thanks for reading and please review! :) **

She woke up from a dreamless sleep and for a few moments forgot what had happened. Soon enough reality hit her and she lay back on her pillow and cried. After what seemed like an eternity of her trying to stop the tears from falling, she realised that she had to get up for work and why hadn't Jonny woken her? Jonny! She looked to the empty space next her and wondered where he was. She hoped he hadn't already gone and left her although the way she had acted by not telling him the truth, she wouldn't have been surprised if he wasn't talking to her at all.

She crept down the stairs still in the clothes from yesterday, thinking that Jonny must have helped her to bed, but she couldn't remember anything from getting in the car. She walked slowly into the kitchen, enticed by the smell of bacon and the other scents that came with the proper English breakfast.

"Morning!" Jonny smiled and kissed her cheek. She stood flabbergasted while he continued with cooking breakfast. She looked at the clock on the wall: 10:00am.

"Erm, are we not going to work today?"

"Nope."

"Okay…"

"I rang in told them you were ill and I, being the perfect boyfriend, am looking after you. Actually I'm not that perfect because I have to go in at about one if that's okay?"

"Erm, yeah sure." She sat down at the table and he placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of her.

"Hope you're hungry. I've cooked enough to feed the whole street!" he laughed while she sipped her coffee slowly, still wondering what was going on.

"Jonny?"

"Yep?" he was putting the bacon on the plate next to the sausages and the eggs and the black pudding and the beans and- Jac discovered that she was starving actually.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he smiled and put the plate down in front of her before sitting beside her and tucking in.

"For everything; I should have told you about the baby and I should have told you the real reason I was getting rid of it and I'm sorry that I lost it." the last part of her sentence was quiet. He stopped eating and looked at her. She couldn't even face him, she seemed so ashamed, but it wasn't her fault.

"Please stop this Jac, it's not your fault you couldn't have helped it. I just wish you would have told me, then I could have been there for you and I wouldn't have been so angry about not knowing you were pregnant." She didn't know what to say. She had lied to him, even now he didn't know the whole truth and yet here he was cooking her breakfast and just accepting what had happened.

"I really do love you Jonny." She sniffed and started eating her breakfast again, which was surprisingly quite nice. She usually did the cooking but after discovering his talent, she was going to give him control of the oven more often.

"I love you too." He leant over and received a kiss from her, then complained that she tasted of black pudding, which he had only cooked for her.

"So are you going to call that doctor? Get tested?"

"I don't know. Accepting that there is a problem with me is something that I am going to find extremely difficult."

"What if you find out there's something that you can do something about?"

"I know but what if I can never have children? It's not something that I want to hear."

"If you can't have children yourself, there are other means."

"It's not the same." She wasn't enjoying this conversation and her eyes began to well up again. She scolded herself for being so weak. He noticed her drying her eyes and stopped talking about it. He wanted a child with this woman and even though he knew what she meant, he couldn't help but think about the other options. They could adopt, though Jac had been perfectly clear that she couldn't do that because then she would have to choose and she would feel guilty. They could have a surrogate. This option stayed in Jonny's mind. It was the best option, but thinking about how it had affected Mo, he didn't know whether he could do that to someone, even if they did it through an agency. Jac probably wouldn't go for it anyway.

"Jac? Please call him, make an appointment. Then you will know and we can find a way to get over it?" He put his plate in the sink and watched her reach into her pocket and pull out the number. She turned the piece of paper over in her hand and contemplated ringing. She didn't know whether she could be strong enough right now.

"If I make an appointment, will you come with me?"

"I wouldn't let you go on your own, no way." He took her plate which had been scraped clean to the last bean. The domestic goddess that was Jonny Maconie began cleaning the dishes while Jac got herself dressed, she wanted to go into work with him, because she didn't want to be alone. He argued that she wasn't up to it but she told him off. She was acting her normal self and nobody at work would suspect a thing, except they would both know and the previous day's events would control their thoughts all day.

She came down the stairs dressed in a blue blouse and grey trousers. She tied her hair up, before asking:

"Did you carry me to bed last night?" he nodded, "So I guess the lump on my head is from when you were trying to get the key in the door and knocked my head on the side then." He chuckled nervously, receiving a 'not-pleased' glare from Jac.

"I don't think tartan pyjamas are suitable attire for work Jonathan, go get dressed."


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi guys enjoy this chapter and please review :) **

The routine of going to work and getting on with life soon engulfed both Jac and Jonny once more as though they had never been through the ordeal; which was good for them both. The balance between work and personal life became harder and harder for Jac to keep up with though when new CEO Imelda Cousins came on the scene. She seemed to be a lot kinder to the nurses, including Jonny who had been allowed to leave early to set up Zach's party. Jac was disappointed that she had three more electives to go before she could help with the decorations and party food, but then again she wanted to stay in Imelda's good books. Jonny stuck his tongue out at Jac as she saw him leaving the ward with his leather jacket, which she told him was not going to suffice in this cold, but did he listen? Of course not. She rolled her eyes and blew him a kiss, to which Mo feigned throwing up. She had never quite come round the idea that he was in a relationship with her; she was so heartless and cold, where he was lovely and kind and didn't deserve to be hurt. Not that she did, although she had often fantasised punching her when she moaned about her work. She could restrain herself though, as long as Jonny was happy, that was all that mattered to her.

Jac and Mo worked together all day and surprisingly got on quite well. They did this by barely speaking to one another, which was fine by both of them, although Jonny wouldn't have liked it. Aunty Mo had been invited to Zach's 6th birthday party, along with friends from school and a few children from the children's home accompanied by Mike, who Jac was sure was going to ruin her ice-queen reputation by gossiping with Mo. At this stage she didn't really care, as long as he didn't spill all the beans on her personal life, she was sure she could handle to rumours at work. She had coped pretty well these past few months with hers and Jonny's relationship being talk of the hospital.

Eventually they could both leave and attend Zach's party Jac took on the conventional role of mother and greeted all of the guests with a smile after cooking most of the party food. Mo was quite surprised at the effort Jac was making and was impressed by her calm attitude towards the screaming 5 and 6 years olds running around the house which had been newly decorated when Jac moved in from the ultimate bachelor pad to family home. Jac stayed close to Mike all night, making sure that he wasn't going to tell Mo any inappropriate stories. Much to her chagrin he did and Mo had a brand new way to annoy Jac. She wasn't bothered that much, she was happy that Mike was gradually getting back to what he used to be after Steve's death. After the party it was time for the birthday boy to open his presents. Jac thought that this tradition was strange as when she lived in the home, the kids would all wake up spectacularly early to open their birthday presents. Jonny said that this was the way that he had done it when he was a kid and it had just stuck. The bright-eyed child ripped open all of the gifts from his friends which were a huge selection of figures from Spiderman to Ben 10. Jac and Jonny had spent a long time on choosing the presents and had finally agreed on 3 big presents, 3 medium presents and 4 small presents. The front room was littered with wrapping paper as Zachary ripped opened a variety of gifts from Jac and Jonny, all of which received a squeal of excitement. Jac had another surprise for Zach that Jonny didn't know about. She pulled out a large bag from behind the sofa which contained a card with a picture of the three of them pulling silly faces on the front, which Zach found hilariously funny, a pair of Doctor Who pyjamas and his favourite episode on DVD (which was played repeatedly over the next week). For this she received the biggest hug and a sloppy kiss on her pale cheek and also a pestering for her to pull the same face as she did in the picture.

Jac had never been happier than this moment. She wasn't screwing anything up and this was the reason that she was glad she had taken Jonny's advice.

Jac had been in touch with her gynaecologist soon after the miscarriage after much persuasion from Jonny. The tests confirmed what they already knew: it was highly likely that she could carry a baby to full term, and even if she did, she baby was unlikely to survive child birth. She was distraught at the news, discovering what she thought was her only weakness was the one thing she wanted more than anything in the world. Jonny took this opportunity to once again point out the other options they had, and this is what eventually led them to Grace.


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys, thanks for reviewing and please continue :) Hope you enjoy this chapter and I will update as soon as I can, I have also been thinking of another shorter story that I might have a go with :)**

"So I have been researching and have narrowed it down to three agencies." He handed her some papers, as they walked down the ward together. She took a momentary glance before shoving them back into Jonny's chest and speed-walking away from him; he jogged to catch her up.

"Look, I know it's not ideal, but this way, it's ours and we have a baby."

"Have you got the bloods for Ella yet?" she completely dismissed his argument to his face but similar thoughts were clouding her head.

"Nah, the lab is backed up. Anyway, we can get in touch, they can explain things to us, not that we don't already know and things can get started straight away!"

"Look, Jonathan right now I am worried about Ella and how slowly things are moving, so instead of wasting your time searching for these agencies, when I have already said no, can you please get on to the lab and ask for the results on my behalf."

"Yes ma'am" one salute later and he was off down the corridor, He was going to bring this up again later, she had no doubt, but right now she just wasn't in the right frame of mind.

Ella was a 9 year old who was experiencing breathing difficulties whose mother had requested Jac Naylor, CT Consultant personally, and she had begrudgingly accepted the case from Sean 'Peter Pan' Dolan. The child's eyes widened as the surgeon walked in. "Yes, she can be my doctor, we have the same hair." Was the first thing the girl said making Jac smile one of those rare smiles at work before complimenting the girl's hair and chatting to her mother about her symptoms. Jac was always wary with a child case; she was conscious about being her usual icy self but also if she wanted the child to cooperate, then she was going to have to show some kind of warmth. She was well aware that most of the staff had seen beneath her ice mask, but was still cautious of showing off her kind and friendly manner in front of her colleagues, especially Tara and Ollie

The lab, being faced with the prospect of Jac Naylor, hurried with the results for Ella. Thankfully for Jac, there was just some fluid on the lung which she could easily drain. That was the easiest thing Jac had to do that day. She was extremely busy and Jonny and she did not have time to talk, although that did not stop Jonny from trying.

"So, I left the papers on your desk. Have you looked at them yet?"

"Do I look like I have had the chance to actually sit down for one second today Jonny?" she tutted and walked away. Truthfully she hadn't had the time but she didn't know that she would have looked at them if she had had the time. Firstly, she was wondering if this was just because of the miscarriage because it was quite soon in their relationship and they had both taken it quite badly and he knew she wanted a child so maybe this was his way of solving it for her. Secondly, he hadn't even thought about marriage. Not that she had. Well, she had, but not very often. Well, by not very often it wasn't a thought that constantly played on her mind but was always there when Jonny talked about children. So that was quite a lot. She couldn't bring it up though, could she? He had been pestering about the surrogacy so maybe she could hint about being married before they had children. That, she thought, would be rather hard to hint at in a subtle way.

"Hello, how are you feeling?" Ella ignored the Scottish man smiling at the end of her bed. Her mother shook her head and hastily apologised.

"She has Aspergers, she will only speak to certain people. I had a feeling she might talk to Ms Naylor because of their hair. She really is brilliant don't you think?"

"Ms Naylor? She is a brilliant surgeon and despite what you may have heard she is quite a nice person really."

"Thanks for that Nurse Maconie. Now if you wouldn't mind I asked for 30 minute obs on Mr Perkins you might recall." She smirked at him as he left her chatting to Ella who looked up with bright eyes as Jac spoke to her.

At the end of a tough day, Jac said goodbye to Ella, who had produced a wonderful picture of her which Jac said was going up in her office right away. The girl waved as Jac walked into her office. She stuck the picture up next to numerous others from Zach and the children at the home. Elliot noticed these when she first brought them into work, which was the day after her miscarriage, and he complimented each artist on capturing the consultant's fiery hair. Elliot saw her pin up the new addition and smiled as Jac looked proudly at her collection.

"You know Jac, forgive me, but I think that Nurse Maconie has done you the world of good." He smiled a Father Christmas kind of smile before walking out of their joint office. Jac looked bewildered but inside knew what he meant and actually, she was quite happy that her icy façade had finally fallen.

She looked down at her desk and saw, as promised, the surrogacy agency profiles which she picked up and put them in her bag, as she followed the same path as Elliot out of the room and to the front of the hospital, where Jonny was waiting patiently with a cheeky smile.


	21. Chapter 21

**Enjoy, thanks for the reviews, please leave some more comments I love reading them. :D**

"This one definitely!" she pointed to an elegant white gold ring through the glass with a small diamond. This was the perfect ring for Jac, simple but expensive! Mike laughed at her as she dragged him inside.

"Maybe you could choose something more in Jonny's price range?"

"Jonny doesn't even know he is going to be buying me a ring so price ranges are far from my mind." A sad smile played on her lips. As far as hinting about marriage, Jonny had brushed the idea off, believing that they didn't need to be married to be a happy family. Jac agreed, but anyone could have seen the disappointment on her face.

"Jac, maybe you should tell Jonny that you actually do want to get married instead of being extremely cryptic. You know, how he is supposed to know that you in fact do want to get married when you're telling him that you don't; he isn't a mind reader, love."

"No it's fine; I don't need to be married, like he said. We can just be together and have a family. I can just buy myself a ring and dress up and pretend to be a bride!" he laughed at her and hummed the wedding tune as she strutted further into the shop. People were now staring at the duo and they decided it was best to calm down if they didn't want to get chucked out. They continued to pick out rings and Jac talked non-stop about her wedding that Jonny had no clue about, yet was quite extravagant. Jac Naylor, once you got to know her, actually just wanted the same as every single girl wants: the perfect man, a family and a big wedding. Although, she thought, there would not be that many people there because she didn't do so well in the 'friends' department. She could have some of the hospital staff, some of the kids from the home, she did actually have a few friends outside work. She wasn't doing too well in the family section either, her mind not only thinking to the surrogacy agency papers in her bag, but also to the half-sister that she turned away and the mother who abandoned her and her evil father who, thankfully, could never bother her again. She couldn't help but think about her half-sister and how she could have got to know her, she could have had some family; but like she said, the people at Holby were her family, they had the same arguments that families had but she loved them all really. Not that she would let any of them know.

They eventually finished at the jewellers when Jac complained that she was hungry and yet, to Mike's amazement, was full after eating a chicken salad. Women surprised him greatly. Topics varied widely over lunch. They talked about Mike and Steve's wedding, Jac's parents' (using that term in it's loosest manner) wedding, Sacha's wedding, Ric Griffin's many weddings, of which Mike knew all about because gossiping about work outside of work was Jac's guilty pleasure. As much as she hated gossiping in the workplace, she was all for laughing about her colleagues with her closest friend who had gained a strange picture of her work mates from many of these. The topic of conversation finally drifted to the pile of papers in her bag.

"So are you thinking about it then?" he said motioning towards them.

"I don't know to be honest. On the one hand I know I want a baby but on the other, is it not a bit too fast for us? Not only that, but I have seen surrogate mothers and they are so depressed giving away the baby that they carried for nine months, I'd just want to give it her back!"

"These women are mostly those who don't want children or already have a family of their own and just want to help others! It's not like getting your best friend to do it. You know I would though, if I could." he stuck his tongue out making this serious situation not-so-serious and letting Jac feel at ease talking about it.

"Oh why weren't you a woman? I guess that it's their choice and if I wasn't connected to them like that then it would be easier," she pulled the sheets out of her bag and put them on the table next to her empty plate, "help me choose one then?"

The rest of the afternoon was spent ringing up and arranging appointments on behalf of her and Jonny. She decided she wanted to visit each one before making a decision, but already had a preference; there was one that had surrogates that were experienced and already had children of their own, so Jac wouldn't feel as guilty. There were also the other important things like the health checks and police checks and other tests that Jac had never heard of.

Jac arrived home to find Jonny and Zach watching Operation Ouch intently and as Zach squirmed, Jonny just laughed and told him that he's done that. Jac just stood at the door for a minute, watching them. This is what she wanted, it had just taken her so long to make herself believe that she could be happy and she did deserve this. Elliot was right, Jonny had made such a difference to her life.

"Hello, you gonna join us or are you quite content?" he had finally noticed her stood up watching them and thinking about something that made her smile oblivious to him, now watching her.

"Come on Jac I've made you space!" Zach patted his hand down to the side next to him, so he was in-between. She squished next to him and put her arm round his shoulders. Jonny lifted his own arms and reached his fingertips to touch hers.

"So how are my boys?" Zach just nodded, now engrossed with the program on the TV. Jac just smiled and looked to Jonny and signalled that she wanted to speak to him.

She sat in the kitchen while he made them both a drink.

"So I rang up all of the agencies and we have appointments to the 2 that I deemed suitable. I do have a favourite but I can't make all the decisions so here we are, the first one is on Saturday and the next is Monday, so I'm going to have to sort something out at work." he let her ramble before planting a kiss on her lips and moving the hair from her eyes.

"Thank you." She kissed him back but stopped when Zach entered the room wanting a hot chocolate. Jac went to get up but before she could, Jonny suggested that, in the spirit of Jac coming round to the idea, they could each open one of their Christmas presents early. Jac and Jonny had been and bought all of Zach presents which were hiding in a very inconspicuous place known as Jac's wardrobe. While Jonny rushed upstairs to receive both one of Zach's and Jac's presents, Zach followed Jac to where she had hidden his daddy's presents. The pile wasn't very big, but then she hadn't finished. She picked the middle one, and carried it to the front room holding Zach's hand; awaiting her was Jonny with a large box package that she recognised as Zachs, and a small box she assumed was hers. They let Zach open his first; the excitement on his face when a Dalek voice-changer helmet was revealed was brilliant. Next was Jonny's turn, she warned him that it was nothing special because she hadn't quite got him everything yet. He opened the wrapping to find a box containing a watch. He had lost his own that his father had given him and this one was almost identical, except with the inscription on the back that it was from her and she loved him. He was overcome with emotion and she was sure she saw tears, which he wiped away when he turned around.

"You definitely deserve this now!" he laughed it off like a man, she laughed back at him, he was still staring at the watch as he held out her gift; as soon as she opened the box, he stopped looking at his watch and knelt down.


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks for reviewing everyone! :D I'm glad you're still enjoying it. Enjoy this chapter and please review :)**

Her eyes widened when she saw thing ring and her squeal of excitement almost masked Jonny's words.

"Will you Jacqueline-"

"Jac," she said almost immediately and just out of habit before allowing him to carry on, "Erm never mind, go on!" She laughed as he shook his head and just grinned wider.

"Okay, _Jac, _will you marry me?"

She pulled him into a squeeze him and he mumbled:

"So is that a yes then?" before she nodded and he kissed her until she pulled away with a puzzled face, "I thought you didn't want to get married, and how come you chose to propose to me now?"

"Well that was just my cunning plan to be able to surprise you because you had been oh-so-subtle with your wedding talk, _not,_ and so I thought if I told you then you would stop thinking about it, but I know you didn't because Mike rang me while you went to the loo and told me that the ring I had bought was perfect because as it happened you had just been looking at rings. The reason I'm doing it now is because I want us to be a proper family before the baby comes, which could be soon if the appointments are in a few days." She took it all in; grinning cheekily when he talked about her and Mike.

"So you actually do want to get married and you want to do it soon? How soon is soon?"

"I don't know, a few months maybe?" the smile on Jac's face faded and it became filled with panic.

"Are you joking? There's so much to organise!" Jonny laughed at her, he knew bridezilla Jac was going to be 'fun'.

It had barely been an hour and Jac had already got started on preparations for the wedding. She pulled down a blue file from a shelf in her office, removed all the papers from it, placing them on her desk, and write on the front in big, black handwriting: _Wedding Plans. _She sat in her office writing down guest lists and colour schemes, while Jonny escaped the madness that was Jac Naylor, CT Consultant and Bride-to-be. He was rather amused by this new side to a Jac who would terrorise her F1s and 2s, but sat there excitedly planning her wedding with a huge grin. He was going to be hailed a hero for this; he was the one to tame Jac Naylor enough to marry him. Or they would just call him a poor sod. Either way it made him happy to watch her get excited about this, and soon she would be Mrs Maconie. Well, he was sure she would keep her own name, but a guy can only dream.

Thankfully, Jac stayed professional at work, and only mentioned the wedding in their breaks, and even then she would seldom mention it for fear of rumours and people knowing right now when she hadn't prepared anything yet. She wasn't sure about inviting everyone in the hospital to the wedding; there were a few that she didn't want to invite but she couldn't just leave them out… wow, she really had changed. Before she wouldn't have given a second thought about anyone's feelings, but here she was, inviting Chrissie to her wedding. She really didn't like Chrissie, she just couldn't understand why Sacha had married the woman, he was too nice for her and she certainly didn't deserve him. Then again, this was Sacha and she had had his child so… She asked Jonny to compile his own guest list so she could estimate the number of people and then get on to the venue that they had both decided on. An old Church just outside of Holby was the setting for the exchanging of vows. Jonny had been adamant that he wanted to make only one decision and that was the venue. His mother would have been disappointed if they didn't get married in a Church. It was a good job the Jac herself had been christened too, so that this was possible.

She continued with the guest list and finding the venue for the after-party and the entertainment and the men's clothing and basically everything. Jonny moaned once about having nothing to do but then when she gave him something to do, he gave up quite easily after she snapped at him numerous times because he was 'doing it wrong'. The last thing on the list was her dress and the bridesmaids' dresses. Connie had been informed of the wedding by email, as her and Jac had kept in touch, and she was coming back to Holby for a dress fitting in the week, Mo was ecstatic about being asked but quite confused at the same time. Jac only did it for Jonny's benefit though. The last bridesmaid was less of a bridesmaid and more of a brides-guy. Mike was getting a similar colour suit to the bridesmaids and was going to escort one of the ladies down the isle, while Sacha accompanied the other, hopefully leaving Chrissie scowling in the pew. Just imaging this look on Chrissie's face was enough to get Jac through the nervous car drive to the first of two surrogate agency appointments.

All her nervousness went out of the window when the receptionist was rude to her.

"I would listen to people if I were you, you might get the chance for a promotion although seeing the fact that you're have barely any people skills just screams to me that you won't be in this job much longer if you don't put down the phone to your poor sod of a boyfriend and tell me where I am to go for my appointment." The girl, who looked barely over the age of 16, rolled her eyes and pointed to the room at the end of a corridor. Jac was about to have another go for the absolute incompetence of this girl but Jonny quick led her by the shoulders to the dark brown door, which when opened would be the pathway to their future.

"Hello I'm Andrea." The plump middle-aged woman held out her hand to Jac who shook it before sitting down on the pink cushioned chair that looked like it belonged in Dolores Umbridge's office. Jac's mind wandered to Harry Potter, her secret guilty pleasure, and she wondered whether this woman could perform some magic herself and give her a baby, before returning to the woman who was shaking Jonny's hand.

**That last bit was a bit cheesy but I just had too :') **


	23. Chapter 23

**Thanks for reviewing, please continue to enjoy and review :) There was a bit of a caffufle with the last chapter but it is alright now. Thanks for reading :D **

They talked for what seemed like hours but was really only 45 minutes at the most. Andrea had to ask the difficult question of why they couldn't have a baby themselves. Jac became quite fidgety and Jonny took over for her, explaining that Jac couldn't actually carry a baby. Jac looked down for this part, ashamed of herself. Jonny took her hand and held it for the rest of the interview. They talked about who they would want to be their surrogate, when they wanted to get started and all of the other details. Jonny told them that they would be back in touch but Jac shook her head.

"Let's just get it over and done with now, I think this place is perfectly fine and to be honest I really don't want to do that again." she was obviously feeling a bit down about the personal questions even though she had been expecting them, so Jonny agreed. Andrea told them that she would ring them in the next few days with a surrogate and they could meet her and the whole thing could be done in a week's time.

Thankfully Andrea was right and the couple had their surrogate and the process was complete. Well, first they had to find out if it had been successful or not. Jac waited over a month, by which time Christmas had been and gone and Jac, going out of her mind about whether Grace, their surrogate, would be pregnant or not, had organised her whole wedding... twice. Christmas had run smoothly, both Jac and Jonny sharing the cooking and Zach being preoccupied by the dozens of toys that littered the lounge floor. This was the best Christmas she had ever had, the day went without disaster and she was surrounded by people who loved her. Sacha popped around with Chrissie and Daniel who looked exactly like his father. She also received an email from Joseph, which she was careful to open when Jonny wasn't looking. It was just wishing her a merry Christmas and there was an attachment of a picture of Harry opening his presents. She wondered whether she should send one back of her new family, but thought better of it and deleted the email. Although she was at first saddened by this, she knew it was for the best. For dinner they had the three of them, Jonny's mother and one of his sisters and her son George. The table was packed and after dinner Jonny shared the news about their surrogacy, to which Jonny's mother showed very little tact although Jac brushed it off because she was old and didn't know any better.

She was, however going crazy not knowing whether she was going to have a baby in nine moths or not, she took it out on Tara and Ollie at work of course and went a bit over the top a couple of times and was forced to apologise before telling her ward why she was like this. This was not a good moment for her and Jonny did most of the talking. The couple invited Tara, Ollie and Elliot for a drink after work, Mo had already been told and sworn to secrecy. They sat at the bar at Albie's while Jonny hushed them and Jac sat silently looking deeply into into her red wine glass.

"As you all know, Jac and I have been together for some time now..." she looked up and rolled her eyes; he was so cheesy but this was why she loved him.

"Yeah, too long!" she joked quietly, if only to regain control of herself. Jonny was about to tell these people that she, Jac Naylor had a weakness and that someone else was having her baby. It was not something that she wanted to stick around for actually. "You know what, I need the loo, carry on I'll be back in a minute." his smile showed understanding, and Jac went to the bathroom and reapplied her make-up before returning to the group, who all had the same look. It was a mixture of pity and surprise if that's possible, but that's the only way she could describe it.

"Congratulations Jac!"

"We find out tomorrow. We aren't sure yet if it's going to be this time but we're going to keep trying aren't we?" Jonny pulled her into a one-armed hug and she smiled at him then back to her colleagues- no, back to her friends. They continued drinking for a while, Elliot being the first one to disappear and then Jac and Jonny leaving to retrieve Zach from his grandmother's. Jac had been counting down the days on her calendar and that night could not sleep from nerves and excitement. She lay awake thinking of all the possibilities. She scolded herself for getting her own hopes up when she began thinking about names.

The morning finally came and Jac had had very little sleep. She awoke at 5 o'clock and made herself some coffee and sat in her office reading some report on a far-fetched surgical procedure that she could probably pull off. This distracted her for the best of half an hour. She felt, or assumed that this was what was felt, like a child on Christmas morning, waiting for the signal to be allowed down the stairs to open their presents. They finally got the knock on the door 3 hours later; it was Grace.

Jac waited nervously outside the bathroom of her house, waiting for what she hoped would be good news. Grace had become quite friendly with Jac and so it was only right that they found out together

"It's positive!" Jac pulled the woman into a hug that even Sacha could not contend with. The woman, who was slightly shorter than herself with mousey brown hair at shoulder length, hugged her back just as tight. She was about the same age as Jac, with a kind smile and dimples. Her eyes crinkled as she laughed at Jac who had finally let her go.

"Thank you so much for this Grace!" she began to cry happy tears and the women hugged again then ran down the stairs to tell Jonny.


	24. Chapter 24

**Please enjoy and review, I have read through it and tried to fix all the grammar/spelling mistakes I have made, because I keep noticing mistakes in previous chapters, I hope you don't mind! :s Nearing the end now just a couple more chapters to go! :) Thanks for reading :D**

The day had finally arrived for Jac to walk down the isle. She looked amazing in an ivory dress that was figure hugging down to her hips and then the skirt flowed outwards in all directions. Her hair was tied up and small red ringlets poured from her head to her shoulders; her make-up was impeccable but most importantly, her smile beamed as she entered the Church and started the long walk down the middle of the pews with a man nobody knew. Jonny stood waiting for her with a nervous grin, Zachary standing beside him in a kilt to match his father's. She had designed every last detail of this wedding and so far the day had gone perfectly. The two black Rolls Royce had been on time to pick up her, the man who was to walk her down the isle, Mike, Connie, Mo and the two, one heavily pregnant and the other a child, Graces. Jonny had taken Zach and stayed with his mother the night before, barely getting any sleep because of jitters. He and his son got to the Church with plenty of time and his best man, a childhood friend from Scotland invited them, along with the other guests, inside. Their colleagues and families, minus Mo and Sacha sat, waiting patiently, on Jac's side of the Church, while Jonny's huge family filled his own side. His father, who Jac had never met, but had been warned about, sat with a grumpy expression. Jonny had told her that he and his dad never really got on, but it would be against family rules not to invite him to his wedding, as much as he didn't want him to be there. As she walked, she prayed she wouldn't trip and was thankful that her favourite social worker, Harry was free to walk her down the isle. He was getting older now and was surprised to have been asked during one of their phone chats. He had dressed to impress and his white hair was combed over smartly and he wore a kilt to match everyone who was part of the ceremony, even though he had complained _a lot_ about this.

She walked carefully and slowly down the isle and displayed a loving smile for her two boys at the front of the Church who smiled back. Behind her walked the bridesmaids and their escorts. Mike linked his arm into Connie's, while little Grace held her Mother's hand, Jac was worried about the fit down the isle but luckily it was fine and had been sorted out during the rehearsal. Next, came Mo, Sacha and Sacha's youngest daughter, who along with Grace had been employed to throw flower petals as they went. Although not planned at the start of the procedures there was another couple of people of people to walk down the isle. Michael Spence, the cheesy American had at first been quite shocked to have been asked, but even more shocked when he was told he would have to wear a kilt. The lady he was escorting was heavily pregnant and had been even more looked after than the bride herself. This lady was Grace and was eight months pregnant with Jac's baby. It had been planned for her to be at the back in case she had to make a swift exit, it was also for this reason that she was not holding a child's hand who was throwing flower petals.

Over the past seven months, Jac and Grace had become good friends and not just because she was carrying the other's baby. Coincidentally, they had been in the same children's home for a short period of time and although she hadn't recognised Jac at first, she knew who Mike was straight away. Jac was at first worried that this would mean Grace would have a different view about carrying the baby, but she was silly to have thought this, as Grace introduced Jac to her own, very large, family. She had three daughters and two sons and was happily married to her husband of 16 years. She had become a surrogate mother because she wanted every woman to be able to have a family like she had. She had been adopted out of the home quite fast and the family she had was lovely apparently, this spurred her even more to become a surrogate. Considering she was carrying her baby, Grace had been welcomed into the wedding ceremony and her family sat in Jac's half of the Church near the front.

Jac and Jonny stood at the front of the Church and just before it went silent she whispered:

"Are you wearing anything under that kilt Jonathan?" he raised his eyebrows at her.

"We're in a Church Jacqueline." He said before tutting and rolling his eyes; then he came even closer to whisper right in her ear, "You'll have to wait and see." She smirked at him as he winked, before turning to the front of the Church and letting the priest get on with the ceremony. It was fairly quick and before they knew it, they found themselves being presented with the rings by the two best men, Duncan and Zach and saying I do. They looked into each other's eyes before it was time to 'kiss the bride' which got a round of applause and the couple were both sure they heard a "yuck" from the general direction of Zachary, who quickly turned his head from his dad and Jac.

The ceremony was soon over, and the crowd of people left the Church and followed the couple in their cars to a country home for the wedding party. The guests filed in and the party went under way; there were plenty of children entertained by the disco ball and the DJ's flashing lights, there was an open bar so Michael Spence and Mo were happy. Connie was busy chatting to Duncan-the–best-man while Grace played with Zach, Daniel and the other children. The other hospital staff were happy dancing between eating; Jonny had got his own way and instead of a sit down meal, there was a buffet, which Jac was not to pleased about and yet continued to smile throughout. Nobody could take the smile of her face, not even Jonny's mother, who continuously insisted that she take the name Maconie. Jac had agreed to double barrel her name, but stay Naylor at work; this was not enough for Mother Maconie. It was just enough to stop her from talking when the DJ called out for the first dance, which Jac had carefully selected. It was one that they would have to move very little too, because as she stated at Sacha's wedding: she does not dance and having witnessed Jonny's moves that day; she knew that he didn't either. The song was Jason Mraz's _I Won't Give Up _and was one of her favourites since Mike had bought her an IPod already filled with songs that he thought she might like; he had failed with a few but she found herself singing along with this one; when she was alone of course.

Jonny held out his hand for Jac to come and join him on the now deserted dance-floor; children had been pulled off by their parents and despite their moaning everyone looked to the couple who now stood in the middle and shared a smile. The music started and so did the 'dancing' swaying, was more the word. Jonny had heard this song so many times he thought he knew the words as well as Jac did and so when it got to the chorus he burst into song much to the shock of Jac who had one minute had her head on his shoulder, the next had been pushed (gently) in front of him, while he did a dramatic solo performance of the song to everyone's amusement; including Jac, who started to sing along quietly at first but when it came to the chorus once more, she joined in full volume, as did half the guests who now joined them on the dance floor. He held her close once more and they swayed like everyone else.

"I love you." She mumbled into his chest. He kissed the top of her head, like he always did.

"I love you too." he lifted up her face and kissed her properly, while the song finished and some people made it back to their tables, while others stayed for more music.

"Now as lovely as you are looking tonight, I think I am going to have to prise your friend Harry from my mother and give her a dance." He winked at Jac who laughed at him before looking for Zach, who she had promised a dance too. She spotted him sitting at a table with Connie's Grace, chattering away about something. That reminded her to first check how her Grace was getting on and she searched the room before her eyes reached a very big Grace slow dancing with her husband who had been pushed outwards by her huge bump. Jac laughed, catching the attention of Zach, who got up and walked towards her. Copying his father, he held out his hand to Jac and said in his best posh voice, "Would you care to dance?" Jac acted flattered and let the small child lead her to the dance floor.

Jac spent the rest of the party dancing with numerous guests, including a rather fast-paced routine with Sacha to a Kirsty MacColl song that Jonny had chosen as his dance with Mo. It was a while before everybody went home, wishing the couple well and carting their tired children on their hips. The couple left last with a very drunk Mo, who had agreed, with the unwanted help of Jonny's mother, to watch Zach while they went on their honeymoon. They had decided that they couldn't go for long because of Grace and neither of them wanted to leave Zach for that long either, so they were spending a few days in Italy. Jonny had never been, but Jac had told him that he would love it and it was very romantic, she said this with a wink as they all got back into the black car.


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks for reading and reviewing the fic so far everyone. Sorry it has taken so long for an update: I have been particularly busy with a production and school work I have barely had time to sleep :/ This is the penultimate chapter, please enjoy and review. I will upload when I can :) I have also uploaded the second chapter of my new fic: Erin if you want to have a look :D**

Their first stop was his mother's house to say a quick hello to Zachary. Jonny was very tanned, while Jac was her pale ginger self, but none-the-less looked happy and healthy after her cut-short honeymoon, filled with hot Italians, who Jonny was rather jealous of, but best of all, her hot Scotsman. Back in the not-so-hot England, Jac knocked on the mother-in-law's door to be answered by Harry, her old social worker. She raised her eyebrow at him before entering the house and finding Zach who was high on sugary-sweets whose wrappers littered the kitchen floor. A tired-looking mother Maconie greeted Jac with her first ever smile, to which Jac laughed before picking up her stepson, who had previously been oblivious to her presence. He beamed when she scooped him up and showed her that he was missing a front tooth before telling her excitedly "that the tooth fairy had come and given me some money so now I bought more sweets because daddy said sweets make your teeth fall out..." he chatted away endlessly.

Jonny eventually joined them in the kitchen, giving Harry the same raised eyebrow that Jac had fashioned. He gave his mother a kiss before holding his arms to a struggling Zach who had still not calmed himself down. The couple stayed for a while and talked about their holiday; Mother Maconie wanted to see the pictures but Jac said she would have to get them sorted on to a disc first (and then Jonny could go round on his own, she thought to herself). All the while Jac kept checking her phone for more news. Zach eventually crashed from his sugar high and they took him up to his room in his grandmother's house before saying another goodbye and reassuring him that they wouldn't be gone for as long this time. Mother Maconie gave Jac a slightly uncomfortable hug as they left them, rather too cosy, alone.

As much as they were trying to stick to the law, they couldn't help but speed up a little as they got closer to the hospital. Unfortunately for them, it would be their luck that they stopped at every red-light, Jac cursing like a sailor in the passenger seat while Jonny sighed and looked slightly scared by this manic Jac, who had only yesterday been calmly lying on a beach with him. Eventually they got to the hospital and Jonny literally had to hold Jac back from biting a nurse's head off because she didn't hear what name Jac had shouted at her. After a few stressful minutes they had discovered where Grace was hiding and they ran all the way, Jonny lagging behind Jac who had shot in front, wanting to see the birth of her child. The situation was one similar to when Mo had been a surrogate, but luckily for them, they arrived on time, Jonny feeling just a little uncomfortable with the situation as the two women spoke in high pitched voices while crying and laughing all at the same time. The experience was rather mind0blowing for him as he just stood back and watched Jac's finger's get broken by the screaming woman, while Jac stood by her side apparently oblivious to the pain. Maybe it's because she could see the very obvious pain that the other woman was in. Jonny tried to say comforting things but was ignored by Grace who was huffing and puffing oxygen between pushes and yells. Grace's hard work eventually paid of, as a pink baby covered in gunk appeared in the doctor's arms, before Jonny and Jac were invited to cut the umbilical cord. Jac nodded to Jonny while she held Grace's hand, both crying as much as the other and Jac muttering a thank you every time she caught her breath between sobs.

The baby handed to Jac first of all, who cradled the small child in her arms, silent tears now replacing the huge bawling that had previously occurred. She was laughing at the tiny being that she held in her arms, before passing the baby to Jonny, whose face was in awe of this squirming and crying baby in his arms. It was finally Grace's turn to hold the child that had caused a sudden silence in the adults. She held out her arms as Jac passed the bundle over from Jonny into her arms. Grace smiled at the baby in her arms for a few seconds.

"So what are you going to call her?" Grace asked quietly so as to not disturb the peace as the baby had stopped crying now, and was beginning to close her eyes.

"We were thinking Amelia-Grace." Jonny spoke for Jac who was preoccupied with staring at her child through blurry eyes.

"Well hello Amelia-Grace, nice to meet you." Grace stroked the baby's face softly with her finger, smiling first at the baby and then at Jac. Grace passed Amelia-Grace back to Jac who, although was grateful to receive her, passed her to Jonny first, so she could envelop Grace into a hug filled with tears and more thank yous. It was a few hours before Jac and Jonny were allowed to leave the hospital with their baby. The numerous tests were done and the couple had said goodbye to Grace, who they were going to visit tomorrow anyway with little Amelia.

The next day, they wrapped Amelia-Grace up in a cute pink number and placed her in the car seat. Although they had taken the pram with them, they realised there was no need as Jac had not put her down from the moment that they had been home. They paraded their daughter around the wards of the hospital; Sacha and Mo getting first chances to hold the baby as they were the Godparents. The pride on Jac's face was a picture as she passed her child over carefully to numerous people who had all come to have a look at the tiny child. Jac had arranged to take maternity leave for around 6 months because she didn't want to miss anything. She didn't think she would mind not being in work for such a long period of time because she would have the family to look after. Her own family which was better than she could have ever imagined.


	26. Chapter 26

**HI everyone, please enjoy the final instalment :) Thanks for reading and reviewing :) **

_5 years later_

"Zach! Come on kiddo! Jac said she would take you so you better hurry up!"

"Dad, would you not call me kiddo, I am 11 and at high school." Zachary rolled his eyes as he passed his father at the banister, school uniform on apart from a blue and yellow striped tie which was hanging loosely around his neck.

"Jac please can you do this for me?" Jac looked up from the small child she was cleaning up and put down the tissue.

"Look at you, going to big school." she had been running around like a crazy woman that morning but none-the-less she did his tie for him and brushed his blazer down with her hand. Zach squirmed but he didn't mind it really; his own mother had not been in contact with him for over 5 years and although he still called her Jac, he appreciated how much of a mum she had been to him, even then at his young age.

"Can you get me Amelia's bag from the lounge please?" Jac was flustered as they were already running late. It was the first day of senior school for Zach and the first day of primary school for Amelia. They both attended the same grammar school which Jac loved because they got a good education and she didn't have to drive all over before work. However because Zach came from a state primary school, both he and Jac were more than a little nervous. She had been thinking about it for the last week of the summer holidays and then the thought of Amelia not having to go through that, which she was thankful of, but then she couldn't think of her baby being in big school just yet, she was reluctant to send her into her foundation year wearing a blue jumper and grey skirt with navy woolly tights. Every time she though about sending her to school she cried; Jac Naylor had come so far in five years and she could finally understand why mothers were so emotional about the smallest things.

Although at first he had been quite jealous of the new arrival, Zach had taken it upon himself to be the best big-brother ever to Amelia-Grace. He would play Lego with her and they would build a city with cars and her dolls, even though he was older now, he would still try his best to play games with her. Most of all he loved reading to her; but not as much as he loved Jac reading to them. At 11, he had still not grown out of being told a good story, but that was because Jac told stories in the best way. After she had read Amelia her princess-related story, Zach would choose his own book and they would sit and play different characters. Jonny joined in once or twice but he couldn't compare to Jac. The family unit was coming together nicely and Zach had formed a great relationship with his step-mum.

Eventually the trio were ready to leave and with a tear Jac waved to a sleepy Jonny who had only got back from a night shift a couple of hours ago, but stayed awake to see his children off.

"Mummy, I don't like these tights they're too itchy." Amelia struggled in her car seat while Zach sat in the back staring out of the window.

"I'm sorry baby but that's what you have to wear. I will see if I can get you some socks next time okay?" the little red-head in the car seat became quieter but still had a grumpy face and was still fidgeting with her tights. Jac's stress levels were increasing as they hit traffic.

"Guys we have to be ready earlier tomorrow okay? I am not doing this again, Jonny can take you tomorrow." she mumbled the last part to herself before beeping the horn angrily.

They finally reached the school gates with moments to spare for Zach who started running towards the door for fear he would be late. However he halted and turned back and walked slowly towards Jac, who was getting Amelia out of the car.

"Ah so you thought you would get away without saying bye did you?"

"Hey! I came back." He helped with Amelia's bag as she lifted her daughter out of the seat.

"You're going to be late if you don't get a shuffle on Zach!" Jac juggled Amelia, her own bag and now the Disney Princess bag being shoved into her hands by Zach.

"I know, I know. It's just-"

"You nervous?" Zach nodded his head slightly, as though unwilling to admit a weakness. "Look kid, you'll be fine, you're clever and funny and you look very smart." Zach rolled his eyes once more. "You're going to fit in fine!"

"But what if they're all dead posh and snobby?"

"It's not like you've come from a terrible background is it?"

"Hmm, well my dad's a nurse and my mum's an alcoholic that I haven't seen in 5 years."

"Hey! What's wrong with being a nurse? They are very valuable people and your dad works extremely hard." She understood what he meant but hated it when he talked about his father and nurses in general like that, which would have been an alien concept to her before now.

"Yeah I know I didn't mean that. What about my poor excuse for a mum?"

"Look, I did alright for myself and I grew up without any parents. You have Jonny and me."

"So how do I act then?" he heard a bell ring in the building behind him and he was anxious to get inside, but he also wanted to know what it was going to be like; he hated not knowing.

"Do whatever you want, but always be yourself, do not change yourself for anybody."

"What if I wanted to say that you were my mum, rather than the drunk?" fresh tears mounted in Jac's eyes. She had waited five years for this but had never expected it. She had of course treated him like her own son and loved him just as much as she did Amelia, but she always worried that he didn't want her to be another mother to him.

"Well that's almost a truth so I will allow." She smiled and pulled him into a hug as best as she could manage before nudging him up the stairs to the doors.

All this time Amelia-Grace sat on her hip singing songs to herself and pulling at her tights.

"Right missy, let's get you sorted."

"Mummy will you stay?"

"I can't baby I have to work, and none of the other kids will have their mummies."

"Will there be toys like in nursery?"

"I think so sweetie, just hop down for a minute." Jac pulled open the door the the junior school and held Amelia's hand as they walked through the corridors, searching for the right classroom. A teacher who looked about the same age as Jac saw them and greeted them with a smile.

"Hello, you must be Amelia-Grace, is this your mummy?" Amelia nodded shyly and gripped on to her mother's hand even tighter.

"Well I know where your classroom is, so do you want to come with me?" Amelia looked up at Jac who nodded encouragingly but didn't let go of her hand.

"Would it be alright if I came too, just to take her in?" The teacher nodded eagerly and told her about some parents who had decided they were going to stay all day just so their children would feel comfortable; she said this quietly but needn't have worried as Amelia was too busy looking and pointing at all of the drawings on the wall. They reached the classroom all too soon for Jac who held in her tears as she hugged her daughter and waved her into the room packed with children. The small girl ran to join in straight away and Jac was unsure why she had ever worried, but then she always would because she was a mother.

She made her way back to her car and let the tears fall freely down her face; she had just watched her two children walk away from her into two unknown worlds both to them and to her. It was times like these that made her want another baby, but she was getting older now and the two she had were precious to her anyway. She sat in the car for a few minutes allowing time to cry and then reapplied her make-up before making her way into work. She backed into the room of consultants who were having a meeting, which she was late for.

"Ah Ms Naylor, I was wondering what time you were going to join us." Hanssen's voice echoed around the room as she sat in between Michael Spence and Ric Griffin. "At 8:30 this morning there was a major RTA..."


End file.
